Becoming Lifelong Unlearners
“We must be willing to sit on the edge of mystery and unlearn what has helped guide us in the past but is no longer useful.” — Robert Wick
If there was a fan club for TED Talks, I’d be in the running for #1 fan. But I’m not interested in Ted Talks for learning. I’m inspired by the idea of ‘unlearning.’ Whether it’s Barry Schwartz challenging the idea that choice is desired, or Tim Ferriss suggesting we start “fear-setting” instead of goal-setting, or Brené Brown proving courageous leaders are those who are vulnerable, one thing is always clear — the power of learning is in the ‘unlearning.’
What is Unlearning?
Before we talk about what unlearning is, let’s talk about what it is not. Unlearning is not simply forgetting. Whereas much of forgetting is unconscious or unintentional, unlearning is a fully conscious and explicit process.
Unlearning requires us to actively examine existing knowledge, mental models, and internal narratives with the intent to remove, reframe, or reimagine them. You can forget a telephone number or how to speak a foreign language without much effort. However, you must actively seek to unlearn deeply embedded mindsets, norms, and socially constructed knowledge.
A Critical Competency
The reason why unlearning requires explicit effort is because much of what we know is obtained without our conscious knowledge. From the moment we’re born, we’re inundated with messages teaching us how to behave, what to value, and who to trust. These messages are then reinforced through our lived experiences and shaped by our context, including what we observe, how we’re rewarded and punished, and how others respond to our thoughts and actions.
Our learning isn’t defined by clear truths, but instead by subjective experiences and interpretations. It is in the gray space of these experiences where we have unfortunately learned lessons antithetical to the promotion of well-being and dignity.
We learn to withhold our ideas for fear they are “wrong” when our leaders are critical of our contributions without offering constructive feedback or coaching. We learn to avoid risks and maintain the status quo when our managers blame us for our mistakes rather than encouraging failure by rewarding risk taking and reflection. We learn to accept toxic cultures as “the way it is here” when we see others dismissed when they raise concerns. We learn to lie and obscure the truth when we see others punished for their honesty. We also learn to overlook social biases that we live with.
These lessons can be subtle and unspoken, reinforced and strengthened by our daily interactions.
And therein lies the challenge of unlearning. To do so requires that we first recognize that the premise of our learning may be flawed. But when we step into the uncertain space created when we question what we know, we make room for the really powerful stuff — transformative learning.
Learning to Unlearn
Lucky for us, the path to becoming an unlearner is fully within our reach. No advanced degree or special training is needed. What you do need is a willingness to engage in the difficult work of questioning your assumptions, acknowledging your biases, and examining the unspoken lessons in your life. However, knowledge and awareness alone won’t lead to change; we must choose to act. So how can you begin the lifelong journey of unlearning?
Make Time for Reflection
These days we wear the word “busy” like a badge of honor, as if our lives aren’t fulfilling if they’re not filled. What we fail to realize is that the empty space we’re filling was never really empty — that space was where we reflected, examined, and learned. As individuals we need to prioritize this “empty space” and practice mindfulness. Start by blocking 10 minutes on your calendar at the end of each day to replay meetings and conversations, looking for lessons felt but not said, considering alternative outcomes, and identifying biases or assumptions you made or acted on. Write down one change you can make the next day to grow and begin unlearning.
Engage with Others
The challenge with unconscious learning is we’re not always aware it’s happening, which means the path to becoming an unlearner cannot be taken alone. Seek out opportunities to reflect and dialogue with others, using their feedback and perspective to enhance your understanding. Record a virtual meeting and ask a colleague you trust to share honest feedback. Network outside your networks to expose yourself to greater diversity of thought, opinion, and experience.
Practice Perspective Taking
Empathy is a critical component of emotional intelligence, giving you the power to understand the perspectives of others and act on that knowledge to promote dignity and respect. Lean into those moments when your initial reaction is to disagree and ask yourself…why? What prior experience is informing your opinion and what perspectives might be missing? When we seek to understand the views and experiences of others, we reframe our understanding of the world and raise our awareness of problematic lessons we have both learned and may be promoting.
As Albert Einstein said, “We cannot solve our problem with the same thinking we used when we created them.” Dismantling systemic racism. Making organizations more fit for human beings. Promoting ethical decision making in business. These goals are achievable only if we challenge ourselves to see beyond what we know. Only if we commit to becoming lifelong unlearners!
Written by Christine Costello Kensey
This article has emerged out of the “Humanizing Initiative,” which seeks to humanize leaders and organizations to cultivate leadership. For more information, please refer to https://www.humanizinginitiative.com
